no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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