He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
