My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
