At least make sure they are 18
Why
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
