she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
