Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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