So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
