We won't sleep together?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
