I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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