I can text with my tongue
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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