i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
