I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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