Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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