You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You are a genius and a whore.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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