why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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