I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
