Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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