Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
