me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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