I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just invented taco cereal.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
