I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
