they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
