I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
