i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
