don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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