I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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