Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
