i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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