Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize