Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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