I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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