I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
