I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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