his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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