just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
