I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
