it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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