i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
