u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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