All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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