Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
