it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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