I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
