Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
