Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
