I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
BRING THE BAGELS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
