Do you still have your period?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize