Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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