wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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