How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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