problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
