I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
