I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
