I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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