Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sorry about my life...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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