During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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