You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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