he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
