Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
only you would photoshop your dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
