you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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