The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize