Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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