He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
