Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
