Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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