brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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