Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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