He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
