Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize