Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
whose parrot is this?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
