Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
