The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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