All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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