Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
