Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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