She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I licked your asshole in confidence.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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