You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
